Everything Changed When I Realized that Receiving Was a Gift to the Giver

Allowing my divine feminine to fully shine

We have a weird dynamic in the world between givers and receivers. We believe that the one doing the giving is the one… well, giving. We believe that the one receiving is the “lucky” one. They just get to sit there and receive with no effort or return to the giver.

Maybe this comes from the “fat cat” syndrome of having an elite class who seem to just receive and receive and there is definitely no benefit to the ones giving — us. Maybe we have been surrounded by “takers” who literally would bleed us dry and never give anything in return.

I don’t know. But somewhere along the line, this unhealthy dynamic really damaged what we understand about the divine feminine, women, and the glorious experience of openly receiving — for the receiver and the giver.

Many years ago, my husband and I went away for a week to explore how tantra played out in sexual intimacy. We didn’t want to be in our heads about it. So, we just decided to remove ejaculation from the table and explore masculine and feminine polarity and union.

Part of being in the feminine means to be completely receiving, open, and surrendering to what is being given. Of course, this occurs within an empathic connection where the masculine is actually giving the feminine what she desires. This is a function within emotional union — not the requirement to just “take whatever someone gives us”.

The first few days were filled with a lot of tears while my yoni healed from years of pounding sex. I’m not talking about rape or forced sex. I’m just talking about the kind of constant procreative-style sex that is our default because we don’t know any better. In this kind of sex, the feminine yoni must arm herself and become hard, thus fortifying her walls, so that she can be used as a cylinder.

Of course, in the animal kingdom, this is fine because the only goal is procreation. She simply wants to be impregnated. Nothing more is necessary.

But when our goal is divine union, this walling up of the vagina creates a suitable separation so that her tender walls aren’t hurt and injured. There can be no union or total receiving because she must remain vigilant in her protection.

But as we practiced slow and connected intercourse, she was able to relax. With that relaxation came years of tears that were stored from the emotional trauma that I believe most women carry. We don’t know it because this is how we have been forced to have sex for millennia. So, we don’t know that this weird angst that lives within us isn’t normal — that if we were having a different experience sexually, everything would change.

A few days into our trip, I felt the deepest calm within me. It is impossible to describe. But it was like there was this deep love and peace that just effortlessly emanated from me. Everywhere I walked, I felt like I was floating. Yes, it helped that we were making love 6–7 hours a day… but I think that that was only part of it.

At one point, we were making love and I watched him as he was about to enter me. A voice inside of me said “Let him all in. Every single part of him. Every part of his body and soul. Love all of him.”

In that moment, I received him completely. Every cell of me received every cell of him. This is where the real magic began happening. Our bodies disappeared. We were no longer two people. We were just… energy, pleasure, breath, and pure orgasm.

I was really struck with the idea of fully receiving another person. How often do we feel totally received and loved? How often did men feel that everything they were bringing to the table was perfect. No judgment. They were just perfect.

Women have had struggles for sure. But I feel like men have had incredible judgment and pressure put on them in the world and whether they lived up to the expectations or not, they silently beat themselves up for not being good enough. So, to look at a man and for him to know that I loved and desired every bit of him… it had to be a good thing.

This changed me in life — but more interestingly sexually. Now, whomever I’m with, assuming they are loving and connected, my whole being instantly goes into a wonderful state of feminine receiving — and not just receiving from my partner — also receiving from the Universe. First I am held there, and then, I can fully surrender to my partner.

When I fully relax this way, it’s like my whole being expands out for miles. Energetically, I feel infinite and all I can feel is love. I don’t need my partner to satisfy me in any way. I am already satisfied. They are there so that we can go on an exploration together.

My part in that is to fully receive them. Their part is to bring all of who they are to our union.

It is not always as easy to feel this divine feminine in the world. Perhaps it is easier in intimacy because I can choose the players. I can create a safe and wonderful environment to play and explore.

Perhaps one day it will be easier to experience her in the world — for everyone. But in the meantime, I can close my eyes and remember her in total trust, surrender, and openness… and all is right in the world.