Honouring Feminine Intuition

She was taken away too

When we talk about the oppression of the feminine, it isn’t just women we are talking about. All that is the feminine in our masculine/feminine dynamics was oppressed and one of the greatest ones was our divine intuition.

For me, when I got this back, I think I actually became who I truly was.

Masculine Logic

In no way do I dislike logic. In fact, I have a bachelor’s degree in mathematics. I love looking at the universe, seeking patterns, applying the purest system to them (numbers), and seeing if I can map God’s creation within the wonder of mathematics. I am a 100% nerd in this area.

The problem was that I believed that this was the whole picture.

Not that I made this up. This is what we are taught in school. We are told that we need to know “this and this and this”. We are told that “these” are the theories that scientifically map the world. If we can learn them and regurgitate them back in “perfect form”, then we are as intelligent as we can be… and that, of course, is the ultimate goal.

But then, in 1999, I got sick. My family had a history of breast cancer and now I had lumps growing in my breast too. With a husband, two small children, and the fact that I was only 29 years old, I had to seriously look at what I was doing in my life.

My first spiritual teacher appeared at that time in the form of a mentor to help my husband and I transition our farm to organic… But he had so many other gifts.

One day, we were sitting chatting, and he was just staring at me (the way that gurus do). Eventually, he said, “Katrina, if you are going to kick this thing, you have got to learn how to turn off your brain. It’s exhausting just sitting here listening to you. I can’t imagine what it’s like inside your head!”

What? How can I turn off my brain? As far as I was concerned, my brain was my “Ace in the hole”. It was like cutting off a runner’s legs. How could I possibly turn it off? How would I make decisions? How would I figure out what was right and wrong? What was he talking about?

He continued, “Your brain is useless in making decisions anyway. The truth is that the smarter you are, the more unable you will be to make a real decision anyway. If you can actually see all sides of an argument or a situation, you will not simply be able to choose one side. You will end up in analysis paralysis and not be able to make a decision at all. It is actually the sign of a lesser mind when everything is simply black and white.”

What? This was a pretty typical conversation for us back then. He would say something, a little voice deep inside of me would whisper “He’s right you know”. But I would have absolutely nothing to respond with. So, I would just sit there staring at him in silence.

Swinging the Pendulum

Sometimes, when you have been in one camp for your whole life, you need to swing the pendulum all the way to the other side to even feel what else is possible. And so I did. I completely disregarded my brain, logic, and everything I had ever felt sure about. I had no idea what was going to happen. But I didn’t want to die… so I was willing to try anything.

He had told me that there was only one way to make a truthful decision — to listen to the response of my heart to everything that was asked of me. If my heart lifted and was filled with excitement, then the answer was yes. If my heart fell and I was filled with dread, then the answer was no. It was that simple.

But, but, but… what if… my head cried.

This was the beginning of my training to listen and trust my intuition. He would quote Jesus saying “Let your yes’s be yes’s and your no’s be no’s. It’s that simple. Don’t make it more complicated.”

It was amazing how difficult this was. Not only did I personally have to be able to listen and hear what my yes’s and no’s were, I had to be okay with not being able to explain anything to anyone else as well.

If someone asked me to do something and my heart dropped, I would have to say “No thanks”. Then, they would ask “Why not?”. (I was a born people-pleaser so people were very accustomed to me just saying “yes” to everything). What could I say? “Because my heart dropped when you asked?” “Because the little voice inside of me says no?”

This challenged not only my own ability and faith to listen — but how I interacted with every person in my life — especially those closest to me.

The Joyful Masculine & Feminine Dance

Eventually, listening within clicked. I began to trust what I heard inside more than anything I heard “out there”. My own happiness mattered more than the expectations of others.

But more importantly, I began to value my intuition as much as I valued structure and logic.

I began to value the feminine as much as I valued the masculine.

I soon began finding real-life heroes that effortlessly blended logic and intuition. Albert Einstein was my favourite. He had his strong mathematics and physics background. But he was also very capable of letting it all go and imagining what else was possible. He would take time to play a violin, talk with children, and seek inspiration from the world around him. He was then able to apply what theories existed to what he heard and imagined inside. Then, when he realized that no theories explained what he was seeing inside, he embarked on the adventure of developing new theories — placing him as one of the geniuses of our time.

This brought me great joy. It allowed my inner masculine and feminine to play together — to dance together — to help other grow and become stronger and more interesting.

I didn’t have to renounce the masculine in favour of the feminine. The actual goal was to join them. To let them fully polarize and each be strong in their own ways. To know that the stronger each of them are, and the more that they respect each other’s differences, the more potent and amazing the dance will be.

Kinda sounds like a relationship… but that’s another story…