The Hindu Goddesses Durga & Kali Give Us the Strength to Uphold Kindness & Truth

Only those who are neither kind nor honest consider them “wrathful”

When I read in the amazing book, Dakini’s Warm Breath, about the “wrathful goddesses Durga and Kali”, I was so intrigued. The word “wrathful” stirs so many ideas of vengeance, destruction, and negativity. Yet, for me, Durga & Kali have been a backbone for me in so many difficult situations, I never considered them wrathful.

As a woman who believed that she must put up with people’s behaviours — husbands, teachers, parents, in-laws, siblings, and anyone else in authority — the power and backbone that both Durga & Kali have given me has saved my life and created an incredible unending strength within me.

So, when I read about their “wrathfulness”, it reminded me of the idea that the only people who get angry when you enforce boundaries are those who were benefiting from you not having any.

If you’re nice to us, you will never see Durga or Kali. But if you’re not, well… that’s another story.

Durga

When I first discovered Durga, I let everyone walk all over me. People were allowed to be unkind, disrespectful, moody, and I would just absorb all of it — leaving me sad, quiet, and feeling lost, unseen, and not mattering. I didn’t consciously know all of this because I thought I was just being easy-going. I didn’t want to rock the boat or sound mean or judgemental. Plus, I wanted people to like me. So, I never said anything.

And then one day, while crying on a massage table, my massage therapist quietly said, “I think it would be really helpful for you to study Durga”.

This changed everything. The foundational thing I learned was that Durga was a radiant beauty to anyone who treated her with love, respect, and kindness. She would give of herself, share her love, and you would bathe in all that she was.

But if you were mean to her — if you crossed her in any way — she would change instantly. Her eight arms will appear each bearing a different weapon. You were finished. The conversation was over.

This fit into my soul like a glove. I love being kind. I love being loving. I love being deeply connected with others. But now, if you dare to take advantage of that, I will instantly walk away.

I expect only kindness, love, and excellent treatment. Nothing else is allowed. This is the power of Durga.

Kali

Similarly, Kali is not evil. The power of Kali rises against falsehoods — especially at a systemic level. If there is a person in authority who is causing pain and suffering or when you are confronted with an oppressive institution that is so entrenched and powerful, the only thing you can do is to tear it down from its roots. The only way forward is through complete destruction.

This is why she is depicted on the battlefield with skulls around her neck, having killed everyone in sight, standing on her beloved Shiva.

This is the power of Kali.

For me, discovering Kali allowed me my righteous fury. Within this righteous fury, I was not being the meek, kind, loving person I always wanted to be and prided myself for. I wasn’t everyone’s friend and I was definitely not easy to get along with.

One example is a time that I was at a friend’s house many years ago. Her husband was quite abusive to her, their children, and anyone else he could control. I knew that he also had suffered abuse at the hands of his parents. I could see that he was insecure and was just trying to control whoever he could. And most of the time it was none of my business… so I just hung out with my friend and let it be.

They had a little dog who used to come to my farm all of the time. She was adorable and we all loved her. At one point, I hadn’t seen her in a while. It had been weeks since she’d come for a visit and I didn’t know why.

During this visit to my friend’s place, we were sitting in the kitchen when the husband walked in. I casually said, “Hey, so I haven’t seen Blackie in a while. Where’s she hanging out these days?”

The husband looked at me and said, “I shot her. What are you going to do about it? Call the SPCA?”

Well, “something” rose inside of me. I stood up, and using all my insight, intuition, and truth, I laid waste to this guy. I can’t remember much of what I said but he heard every single thing that I knew to be true about him — things that were never said out loud. But he heard them that day.

He never confronted me again. In fact, he barely ever looked at me again.

Another time, I was asked to sit on a board of directors for a company that was really struggling financially. The chairman of the board was manipulating the company’s finances to fund his own failing business. But he was such a snake-oil salesman, and he knew how to use the system to his advantage, no one knew how to stop him.

Before this, I had had no experience sitting on boards of any kind. So, I sat listening to what was going on. I learned about “Robert’s Rules” and how board meetings were run. I wasn’t going in loaded or angry. I was just learning.

But as I sat in the meetings, everything being said didn’t sound right. The chairman would be taking us through discussions that were causing such cognitive dissonance within me. It was like he was standing up there lying… but because he was smiling and doing it within the rules, no one could say anything.

At first, I tried to ask questions within the structure of the board meeting. I would be shot down every time. I would be told that my concerns had to be on the agenda or that there was no time to discuss that today. This went on for months and months. But I couldn’t get any truth on the table because this guy just knew the system inside and out.

And so, I became a total pain in his ass. I spoke out of turn. I called him out on his lies. I circulated spreadsheets of the actual numbers. I circulated ways to get the company out of debt. I did whatever I wanted — regardless of “boardroom etiquette”.

I was also a total bitch. I got angry. I got frustrated. I stomped about a lot. (I would go home to my family and tell them all about it (furious of course) and they couldn’t believe it. They’d never seen me angry, frustrated, and definitely never stomping about!!)

In the end, the board had to go for all kinds of counseling and a retreat to try to “heal” its dysfunction. Eventually, everyone had to resign and a whole new board was put in its place. And the company still exists to this day 20 years later.

Letting Me Shine

In a perfect world, we wouldn’t need this protection. We wouldn’t need to stand up for ourselves because we were being walked on or treated badly. We wouldn’t have to stand against lies, corruption, and tyranny. This strange hierarchical power play wouldn’t exist.

Before I discovered these goddesses, I was a victim within that power play. I didn’t want to believe that people were actually being mean to me. I didn’t want to believe that people were actually lying and being manipulative or cruel.

And I became smaller and smaller and smaller. I became exhausted. I was unhappy. I didn’t understand what was going on and was struggling to be compassionate all of the time. But there was something wrong with my philosophy. Maybe it was naivete. Maybe I just wanted to believe something else. But these beliefs were killing me and I was a long way from shining who I truly was in the world.

The protection that Durga gave me and the sword of truth of Kali changed everything. I was still allowed to be my kind, loving self. But now I was also allowed to be honest. I was allowed to call out bad behaviour. I was allowed to call out falsehoods. I was allowed to stand strong in my truth and not be walked on or manipulated again.

There is something very powerful that changes within us when we know that no one is allowed to abuse us in any way. There is an inner peace that happens when we know that we will always tell the truth no matter what authority doesn’t agree with us.

This is the interesting irony. In the beginning, I had to let the “wrath” of Durga and Kali fly to know that they were there in case I needed them. But now that they are a part of me, they haven't come out in years.

Now I just get to relax and be me — with a beautiful peace and quiet within just knowing that they are there — and I shine brighter and brighter and brighter.